With Grace

Being wrong.  It happens to us all.  At times we will argue or fight to the bitter end to support or insist upon our belief.  Sometimes we're wrong.

Having grown up in a time where Google was not available whenever a fact needed checked to settle a debate, I remember this kind of occasion well... You would be discussing a movie, or book, or theory and someone would disagree with something you believe to be fact.  You insist you are right, they insist they are right.  There is no resolution so you're in a stand off between your memory and theirs.  I'm sure you've come across this in some form.  Either or both sides can become very heated when disagreeing, this is common.

Today we have cell phones which can settle such debates in a few seconds.  So the debates have become a little different.  Concepts and ideas are argued in the same way in place of facts or details.  Or, sources of facts and details fall under debate.  Regardless, debates, arguments or whatever you'd like to call it are common when having discussions or stating opinions.

Other times, the debate is bigger than these examples, and are more internal.  Sometimes, something someone says, or something you read or experience, can challenge your beliefs.  You can be just as sure.  You can be just as wrong.

There you are expecting something to happen.  You've told everyone it will.  But... Then it doesn't.  You were wrong.

You believe this or that, and then someone comes along and lays out an argument for why you may be wrong.  They may be right.  This happens as none of us are perfect and NO ONE knows everything.

Choices, always choices.

Do you become heated, defensive, angry and counter?  This is the most common. 

Perhaps we should try grace.   Listening, honestly.  Observing, carefully.  Understanding that we have already attached emotions or feelings to our beliefs currently held, and these emotions or feelings can distort the signals of different information.  Different, or new to you, but not different or new to the world as a whole.

As that feeling rises and causes an urge to reject the information or ideas and project the feelings of rejection onto the one speaking, pause and observe.  Truly and honestly listen.  If not for the possibility that you may be wrong then out of simple respect for the being speaking to you, or presenting, or receiving the information or ideas. 

Another tendency that exceeds beyond our selves is to try and persuade others not to bother looking into something you have decided does not apply or have value.  Who made you the thought police?  Is doing this not the exact same thing our "controllers" would do to us?  Can you be sure you're always right?  If not, how do you feel you have the right to tell others what is valid? 

Can we not share our thoughts and opinions without imposing?  Suggestions rather than instructions.  Can we not inspire gently, and with grace?  The tendency seems to be force, rather than grace.

Many martial arts teach us how to use the force of our attacker against them to defend ourselves.  Can we not apply this same principle or concept to arguing or debating and sharing information or opinion?

This is not written from a place of perceived superiority.  I am writing for myself after all.  This comes from a very honest place.  Those familiar with me will know I have several very good reasons to be very damn sure of myself.  Recently I have discovered reason to believe that I am terribly wrong about much of it.  It would be easy to please my ego by stating I have always suspected these things could be wrong, but that would be all ego.  In my soul, I know I was wrong.

The feeling is a little earth shattering at times.  At first while coming into this place I had a great deflection occur as a perfect smokescreen.  I was being bashed by a group which many would assume would upset me.  It didn't, but it gave me a perfect thing to point to when I was asked "What's wrong?".  While processing the information I still had to talk to people, answer questions, state opinion.  But... my answers and language and opinions were changing.  Fear was present.

Do I shut down and avoid the conversations?  Do I lash out and rant about the feelings I was having and the frustration with myself I was feeling?  Do I project those frustrations onto others? 

That would have been quite easy, yes.  My choice was.... Grace. 

In this instance I behaved in a way I am proud of.  Grace.  This will not always be the case, and I will make mistakes.  Even then I will do my best to choose... Grace.

I was wrong.  Some apologies needed to be made, and I made them.  A new path is open, and I am excited to explore it.


  1. I'm only scared when i listen to people who didn't realise this in their lifetime.

  2. Great post!
    Can I post a link here, I know you like Jung, so here is (post jungian almost), Edward Edinger 'Encounters with the Greater Personality' others may find useful too. :) being wrong is not something everyone can do at one end of the spectrum but it's where 'the work' is at. Those who are character disordered can never ever ever be wrong, it's always someone elses fault. :D

  3. Beautiful: choose grace! I've lashed out lately against sleeping friends unwilling to investigate but I only made the gap deeper. So thanks for reminding me. And ... Curious to know where you were wrong but only if it pertains to something to my innerstanding this strange place we live in. All love

    1. It rarely works like that. You have to use deception to make them interested ;p
      Be a bit mysterious, play your game and leave traces of different thoughts (then theirs) in conversations.
      Give it some time. Works best if you had some actual experiences. Don't know if it's a moral way though.

  4. Thank you for your Grace and Honour - HATTER

  5. Umm...having read all of this blog and the other blog you wrote, where is it that you are saying you were wrong? It is just that clarification would help - thank you for being willing to say so. I find there is value in knowing others perspectives even when they are vastly different from my own, or even wrong. I enjoy them nonetheless, and have appreciated the patience of your question answering.

    With much respect.


    1. Eventually I will post something that will clarify. That said, the mention in this post was just general and not related to my blogs.

      With love and respect,

    2. That is what I have realized last year.
      I was an intellectual bully.
      Thanks for confirming it. :-)

    3. I agree that clarification would help, as most here are here because of the writings in the previous blog. To make an entire post about that you have been terribly wrong seems a bit like toying with your readers if you are not in fact declaring some of those writings were wrong. I understand that you say that you are writing for yourself, but since we are all one here, can you please clarify sooner than later? Lol.

    4. As I stated above (easy to miss) the "wrong" is/was unrelated to the blogs. Also it is past tense and apologies and clarifications were made where valuable. It does not effect my blogs and is more personal.

      With love and respect,

    5. I understand. Thank you very much for the reply:)
      And for the record, you do not owe us replies, or anything for that matter- It is just that, well...Some of us, after being handed the "red pill" suddenly may have felt a jolt when returning here to see a post about being wrong about "much of it" when, in your readers minds, the only "it" is what you have written in your previous blogs, lol. So thank you for clarifying (again) that you were not referring to the blogs but something else.

    6. Perfectly understood. :) I always do my best to respond to genuine questions and concerns. Today's blog "A Satire" was certainly not about any of the commenters here. It is totally reasonable the thought that I may be talking about my blogs. Thank you for allowing me to clarify.

      With love and respect,

  6. Brilliant! No barrage of words, ideologies, images, or "intellectual" discourse can trump the intelligence of authentic graceful communication and behaviour that is braided with appreciation, compassion, humility, and understanding.

  7. Grace has been defined as the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.

    William Hazlitt

  8. Grace in discussions inflates the Ego upon feeling proud of its own grace. Not graceful at all if we strive to admit own errors but gracefully cast these around in an fake envelope of humility.
    Grace in martial arts is an art to learn about for self defense purposes - but to apply it in discussions, it shows the harshness and brutality of the intellect.
    Proud is an intellectual fallacy reaching its peak by the grace of being graceful.
    With humility and respect.

  9. As a martial arts student is chi flow a useful concept when used with meditation? Can it send positive energy out to her and apply pressure to them? If you have any experience to share it would be appreciated. Can some masters really levitate? Can the "rents" levitate;)