Empty Places

Where did he go?

Punished for the truth?

Finally tired of lying?



I grew tired. Tired of having to explain and explain again.  Tired of trying to play a role I never wanted. 

I know what I am.  My entire life I have been a student of human behavior.  It's why I am here.  It's why I have chosen such a convoluted life path that has led me into cults and programs, then out again.  This is what drew me to the stage, under the lights.  This is what keeps all aspects of my life always moving around, not always for the better.  Personally and publicly.   I want to experience Everything.

The light projected my shadow onto the stage and this is what I needed to finally see... what I was hiding in there. 

So where did The Ruiner go?  No where... he was always just passing by. 

This past two years has been a process.  For me. 

What have I learned?

People only believe what they want to believe.  No amount of proof or evidence will ever suffice.  People only change their minds and hearts, when they want to and then choose to. 

I tried to help.  So many of us are hurting. So many out there have experiences they can't make sense of. But I can... so I tried to help.  

You can't help people who don't want to change, or do not choose to change.  And yes, I can help you change, if you want to.  (I am still changing as well.)

At what cost?

Do I dive in and end up like the rest of my "peers" in your alternative community?  Do I expand my "story" to "fit in" and please my "followers"?

Followers... hmmmmm.  Interesting word made common by social media.  The subconscious mind must love that... but I digress. 

Do I pretend I agree with people just to maintain my place on the shelf? 

No... I definitely know I can't do that. 

So do I go the other way and ruin the delusions to the furthest extent possible?  Do I tell you all that what you're following here in this information stream is a pack of lies?  That your "truth speakers" are like "B Movie" stars or local / small town politicians.   (In some cases, literally) That the foundation of so called "knowledge" I watch people regurgitate is a foundation of bullshit? 

Do I go even further, in the opposite direction,  and tell you that my "fictional" blog was... all a lie?    I know such a declaration would makes a handful of people very happy.

Would any of that change anything?  

No.  It wouldn't.... because we believe what we want to believe.  

We all lie, to ourselves, and we all believe in lies, from others. 

And this universe views the buyer and seller of lies as equals. 

Do we actually want to be weak and powerless?  Is this our way of avoiding the responsibility that comes with "great power".  Our "great power" being that we create our reality through thought, feeling and action. 

Through our beliefs.  What we choose to believe. 

So what is the cost?

Playing my role in the alternative community has caused me to neglect everything else. 

My body, my kids, my passions, many friends and family, my life partner.  

I can quite confidently say that if this particular spotlight can influence my own ego... most of my "peers" are fucked.  

What happens when an ego gets poked by this community?

The Sphere Being Alliance.  Montauk Boys.  The Universal Protection Unit.  4D ascension. The public surrender and hanging of "The Cabal".  Gold reserves and financial resets.  Dragon Families.  Personality Forums. This group is beating up that group and... There are more examples. 

This year will pass without Disclosure. 

Without exposure of all the "info". 

No ET's are coming, for any reason. 

The Alt Media And Alt Community have you confused? Try this...

Replace "info" with the word "fantasy". 

"His (fantasy) doesn't align with his (fantasy)".  See, confusion solved. 

Personalities telling stories, looking for attention, whether their egos admit it or not. 

"Awake"?  No, just a different kind of dream.  One you prefer. 

"Aware"?  Perhaps a little, but that awareness is also drowned by nonsense. 

Enlightened?  Oh fuck off.

It was sucking me dry by eating away at my time.  Not my energy, only because I have too much of that anyways, which I generate on my own. 

I've been called names and have been accused of various agendas.  Meanwhile I'm just a guy whose blog you shouldn't have ever found.  A guy with a regular and exceptional life.  A paradox. 

I've also been praised and appreciated.  Meanwhile I'm just a guy who wrote a blog while wasting time at his day job. 

"All this work for humanity".  Again, please and kindly, fuck off.  

So now what do I do? 

The podcasts were fun.  Being interviewed was not.  Writing I will always do. 

Interacting with the community personally has been a mixed bag.   Assumptions and expectations have been mind blowing.  

What I have realized is, this is entertainment for most.  So it should be treated as such.  This becomes an obsession for so many.  Not unlike a drug, or sports or gambling or ....

"My information is better than your information."  "Don't listen to him/her listen to me!" 

"Please donate so I can devote my time to saving the world."

Kindly,  fuck off. 

The alt media and the mainstream media are simply two versions of the same thing.  Media. There is no secret information here, just concepts and ideas.  

Those concepts and ideas matter... because we are creating our reality.  

So... be careful what you wish and dream. 

What do I do now?  I'm not sure.    But here I go.


  1. Wow... I didn't know you felt this way, Shane. I personally believe your blog added new perspective to all this. If someone views it as strictly entertainment and others view you as a paragon, I suppose that's how they take it all. I think you're blog was meant to be found. It added new depth and understanding that was conveyed through your writing.

    I hope that you find what you're looking for. Some of the worst parts of my life was when I felt obligated to do something while repressing my free will. Take care of yourself and live well.


  2. All I can say is ❤️: https://youtu.be/3cqRPcQRJYg

  3. Help the sincere ones when you have time. Ignore the rest. Not that complicated.

  4. You're back. ~big smiles all around~

  5. When I was in high school I had a drinking problem. At one point, possibly while drunk, I wrote a letter to my friend Kim telling her I was scared and needed help to quit drinking. However, I decided not to give her this letter. I balled it up and threw it into the trash. A few weeks later, when I was taking my overflowing bedroom trash can into the kitchen to empty it into the larger family trash can, I accidentally left this letter on the kitchen counter. My mother found it. She was absolutely not the inteneded audience.

    But anyone objective to the situation can clearly see that, on some level, I wanted her to see it. How can one accidentally leave something of such personal importance out in the open? On some level, this was wanted.

    In my case, I created an elaborate lie to my mother, telling her the letter was a fiction. I explained I was only pretending to have a drinking problem so that Kim would get help with her own drinking problem. My mother bought this lie. Easily. And so a lie was bought and sold.

    Why didn't I tell her the truth? I did - years later. She didn't believe it. She literally didn't remember the letter. What is the point of sharing this? Maybe just that lies, on some level, are a cry for help. And the truth hurts in ways that lies do not. I believe we'll all break our hearts open eventually.

    1. Thank you for sharing this, and I very much agree with your other comment as well.

  6. Welcome back dude.

    You never ceased to be needed so what did you expect? That your revelations would spread like wildfire throughout the world and all would be good in the world at last?


    You know how children only have to be told once and then that's it, they do it from then on without being reminded, berated, cajoled or castigated ever again?....

    Don't fuck off again, try to strike a balance between muted clamshell and bi weekly alt media circuiteering.

    Happy Days.


  7. And so will September come to pass without a Wave and a new Shane will rise like the Phoenix out of its Night of the Dark Soul..

  8. So you think you're just providing a fantasy that people like? Maybe, except that I cannot deny what I FELT once I stumbled across your blog. You were the one who triggered me. I had a double deja vu, it was like a wormhole opened up in my brain and I've been downloading ever since.

    Feel sorry for yourself if you like but you played your part, I suspect your story had a far deeper impact on the collective consciousness than you yourself have realized.

    And on a more mundane note, have you heard of Steemit? If you love writing you can blog and earn some cryptocurrency at the same time. I'd follow your channel. Post your username if you decide to go for it.

    1. I am not feeling sorry for myself, nor am I sorry for anything. :) I understand how it can be taken that way, but no worries there.

  9. So, when will all this nightmare end, in your opinion?

    1. When the movie ends. This response will make sense one day.

      "it's not what happens to the being, it's what the being does once it happens to them."

    2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trig1MiEo1s

      Does the projector's light cause foregin image in action to dominate over our senses?

      I remember a few months ago, i was looking at our sun and for the first time i saw that it flashes symbols.
      Distinct shapes that could be described as mix of hebrew and japaneese letters.
      Is it just my story or something more objective.?.

  10. I really loved your posts and podcasts because it was sharing a view rather than preaching. You and your loved ones should always come first, so thank you for sharing yourself and follow your passions. much love and respect Liz

  11. I wanted to thank you for the blogs and podcasts, for me it explored perspectives that I would have not realized. I know how difficult it can to be misunderstood, happens to me a lot, but I know my truth and that is all that matters. Follow your passions and enjoy life. love and respect Liz

  12. Hey Ruiner, Could you update on the wave please? and did this sound any good...



  13. I can absolutely relate. I could have written it myself but you did a MUCH better job, and besides, you beat me to it. :)

  14. "Meanwhile I'm just a guy who wrote a blog while wasting time at his day job."

    I hope you bought some of those cryptocurrencies because if you don't own some bitcoin or ethereum at this point it's like you hate them sweet bucks.

    Pardon me for talking about the chains.